


being there for you - Warden Alistair X Lyanna Cousland

by inuja



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-04
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6746458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inuja/pseuds/inuja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot idea I had for my Rogue Warden Lyanna Cousland.<br/>It had always buggered me, that the character had seemed barely affected after losing her family and her to-be family (the grey wardens of Ferelden) in so short of a time. I thought there should have to be more moments where she had to cope with all that stuff...</p>
            </blockquote>





	being there for you - Warden Alistair X Lyanna Cousland

She’d always knew the moment would come. And when it came, it felt like a storm at sea. Thoughts like dark clouds creeping up on the horizon slowly blocking every remaining bit of light. A sharp breeze of grief blowing in her mind. Pictures and memories flashing up like lightning blinding her for a moment. Soon everything would crash down on her. Lyanna had tried so hard to avoid it, but there was nothing left that would keep her hands and mind busy. Her armor was clean, her weapons sharpened, the camp tidy, her few remaining belongings arranged and rearranged in her bag.  
In two days they would reach Lothering, Morrigan had claimed. They had set camp at a small clearing in the woods, a brook was softly murmuring nearby. Morrigan minded her own business, reading an old-looking book. Alistair was deep in thoughts. He had barely spoken a word since Ostagar. Lyanna stole away into the darkness of the trees towards the stream, Jardar following her as usual, setting his big Mabari paws silently on the small pebbles.

In the last two weeks her life came tumbling down over and over again. There was this small bruise still visible on her arm from a time now ages ago. She had helped Oren steal some apples in their orchard back in Highever, and they’d fallen over because she’d tripped over Jardar. She had caught the little boy from falling, and they had been lying in the grass, laughing. Now, all she could think of was his small body on the floor of their room, bloody and cold. His throat cut open in a nasty gush, eyes frozen in horror. Oriana lay nearby, cold, arms still desperately reaching out to her son. Her lifeless eyes wide open in wild panic. A knife stuck in her heart, her blood soaking into the carpet. The air has been heavy with the sickening metallic smell.

Now Lyanna reached into the ice-cold water of the stream with both hands, splashing it into her face. Hoping it would wash the pictures away. It did, but only to make room for new ones. The last look into the eyes of her parents. Her fathers pain, her mothers tears in this encouraging eyes. Now they were dead. Had they suffered for long? Or did a blessed quick death came to them? Had they had a proper funeral? Were any of the castle people still alive? What happened to Nan? And the kind elves that had worked in the kitchen? And Fergus... lost in the woods after the battle, if not dead too. Lyanna had left them all, abandoned them and the guilt and doubt was killing her. 

Duncan had led her out, blindly she’d stumbled behind him out of the castle, into the woods. She’d never looked back. It was like she had been in trance. But she’d heard the screams from the castle long after they had faded, smelling the fires with the thick smoke, feeling the heat on her skin. They’d walked in silence for days. Duncan had been like a beacon, guiding her out of the woods of Highever as well as out of her stupor. When they’d finally reached Ostagar, she’d even spoken a few words. It would have been embarrassing, if she hadn’t answered to the young, handsome King. He had been like a glimpse of sun, his confidence had been contagious. And she believed him, when he said he would help her claim her castle back and bring justice.

She had met the Grey Wardens that day. Men and Women of all ages and race. Dwarfs, elves, humans. Sitting peacefully together at the fires, joking, telling stories. And there was this young, blonde Warden with his bad jokes. This group of Wardens, this brotherhood… Lyanna had felt welcomed, they’d greeted her warmly, no one pryed, respectfully no one had asked about her family. She had felt a spark of hope. That she could be a part of this fellowship. That their company could catch her from falling, that she could heal within their safety. That they could be a kind of family for her. Now they were all dead.

Duncan had send Alistair with them out into the wilds and she’d been eager to proof herself worthy of the Wardens. Daveth and Ser Jory had been with them. She could barely remember their faces now. The same night came the Joining. She’d watched in horror how they fell. Daveths distorted face barely recognizable, his eyes white. And Ser Jory… At least Duncan had made it quick and as painless as possible. The moment the darkspawn blood had touched her own tongue, everything went black again. 

Visions of unheard horrors had crept into her mind, a blinding pain into her muscles, fire like black flames burned into her blood. She must have been passed out a few hours. The lack of sleep had been no help in her fight with the Taint. And there was no rest after. The same night the battle had begun. She was glad at first, when Duncan had send her to the tower with the young, blonde Warden. She even had managed a weak smile, when Alistair made a bad joke about him wearing a dress, if the King demands. But everything went down even further that night.

And now she was here in the woods. Alone, muscles aching, her whole body screaming for rest. She had had no proper sleep in days, causing dark circles under her eyes. If she could fall asleep at all, it was because her body couldn’t take anymore. But then the nightmares came. Her sleep never took longer then a few short hours.

Their travel through the wilds had been uneventful so far. This strange witch was with them. And Alistair lost deep in his grief, shutting everyone else out.  
Lyanna sat down near the stream, burying her face into her hands. Jardar settled himself besides her and began pushing his big head into her arms until she gave in and buried her face into his fur instead. This big pup had never left her side, not in the blessful times in Highever, not in the recent events.

Once he had been listening when she cried over silly girls problems and had been running with her, when she sneaked out into the woods.  
And now he was still with her, solid as a rock. His eyes full of worry, watching her all the time. He was always vigilant, watching over her when she’d try to sleep.  
Now Lyanna flung her arms around him, his huge body warm, the smell familiar and comforting. He was the only thing she had left.

Her tears soaked into his fur and her sobs made him whine. The big dog wriggled free of her arms and tried to lick of the tears from her face. He understood, as always, but he was helpless. Not knowing how to help her in her grief.  
And Lyanna finally couldn’t manage to hold back anymore. The tears came hot, streaming down her cheeks, eyes burning. Her sobs and cries uncontrollably. Jardar hopped helplessly from one side to another, nudging her, rubbing his nose at her. Finally he sat down besides her and let out a deep and long howl, almost wolf-like. 

Lyanna never knew if it was the howl or if he had been there earlier. He must have been standing in the shadows of the trees, watching. Anyways, suddenly he was there, silently kneeling besides her on the stones, wrapping his strong arms around her, holding her tight. 

They had known each other just a few days, and there had been no time to discover if there was any affection between her and Alistair. But now this was exactly what she needed, no tension, nothing romantic. Only two people trying to cope with their trauma. He was strong in his stature, even without the heavy armor. His arms wrapped around her small body, shielding her, blocking out the whole world with its everlasting pain and suffering.

It took a moment for herself to allow it, but finally she returned the gesture. Her arms flung around him, holding tight. Nails gripping into the fabric of his shirt. Grasping to keep both from falling. She buried her face into his chest, crying, sobbing, shaking violently. The dam was broken, the flood of her tears could not be stopped anymore. She felt his irregular breath in her hair and at the back of her neck, he was crying too. Silently but nonetheless desperate.

Jardar never minded. As great as his mistrust towards Morrigan was, Alistair seemed to have his full support from the moment on they’ve met. And right now the big dog seemed glad, that the Warden was there. Helping in a way the dog could not.

Lyanna didn’t know how long they stayed there on the cold stones near the stream, embracing, clinging to each other. He didn’t let go until her sobs had died down and her breath was back to normal again. In silence he brushed a strand of hair out of her face and gave her an encouraging half-smile. His eyes red, skin pale. He stood up a bit awkwardly, the pebbles of the riverbed making it hard to steady himself. And without any word he walked back to the camp.

Lyanna followed some time later. She had barely stretched out her tired legs on the bedroll, when sleep overwhelmed her and she slid into the long, deep and dreamless rest her body so desperately needed.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic for that I've found the courage to post it online, feedback is of course welcome.  
> Please excuse if the english is not perfect, I'm not a native speaker, but I try my best...


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